Work on your self esteem

Having a healthy and stable self-esteem is essential for our life development. The ideal situation would be to find a balance. An excess of self-esteem can lead to narcissistic or despotic behavior and its lack generates insecurity.

Throughout our lives there can be many circumstances in which our self-esteem falls apart and the causes can be multiple. For example, extreme perfectionism or harsh and severe self-criticism progressively deteriorate our self-esteem and can slow down our personal development. But also loneliness, finding it difficult to say no or passivity in defending our rights can undermine our personal balance.

As much as motivational phrases appear in self-help books such as “You’re worth a lot” or “You’re unique”, they are often ineffective. Although in theory it seems simple, we generally don’t know how to work on our self-esteem.

To develop a healthy self-esteem we need to reflect on, understand and accept adverse past experiences – such as failures or traumatic situations – as well as to let out the emotions involved. Another key aspect is being at peace with oneself and with past decisions: we must not forget that, although feeling guilt is a natural experience in certain situations, the aim is not to judge ourselves but to learn for the future. Being a good coach to ourselves, demanding with appreciation and flexibility, is most effective.

A common mistake is to think that self-esteem is built only on success, status or the admiration of others. People who believe this are caught up in an endless spiral and never feel fully satisfied with themselves. In personal and couple relationships, healthy self-esteem is the best antidote to feelings of dependency and fear of abandonment.

Strengthen your self-confidence by sharing moments with your loved ones. Feeling that we are important to other people and that with our actions we contribute something valuable to society, helps a lot to develop a healthy self-esteem.